I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
