chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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