I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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