ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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