Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
