They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were destined to go to rehab together
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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