Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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