Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
