Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
