My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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