Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
