I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just had sex bonerless
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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