my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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