One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
