I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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