Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
