We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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