Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
People in love make me want to vomit
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize