what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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