our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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