i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
