remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
