her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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