Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
