in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Alive.
So much puke
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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