Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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