High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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