we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
