I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
