hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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