i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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