I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Pants are for mortals
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
