My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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