Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
