A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
