when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
