Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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