My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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