yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
nutella sex= disaster
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
As shirtless as possible
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
All the doctor said was why
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
