As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
