Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize