That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
