Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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