I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
