I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
well you can't waste a boner
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
