I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
