I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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