I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
