the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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