I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
