he puts the penis in happiness.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
