what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
