just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
