I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
