the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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