NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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