I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
