last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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