I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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