We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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