Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
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Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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