I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
