My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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