I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?