I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
