I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
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Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
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When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship