ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
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don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.