New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes