You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.