i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
